Script Library

Ready-made language for each skill, with the common wrong version beside the right one. Adapt the words; keep the shape. These are illustrative lines, not magic phrases — they work only when they're genuine (Ch 12–23).

Labeling an emotion (Ch 13)

Poor: "Calm down." / "You're being unreasonable." (a verdict — invites a fight)
Better: "You seem frustrated."
Expert: "It seems like this whole process has felt like you're being jerked around, and you're tired of it." (then go silent)

Openers to keep on hand: "It sounds like…" · "It seems like…" · "It looks like…" · "It feels like there's something about this that…"

Mirroring (Ch 13)

Them: "We just can't move on the deadline."
Poor: "Why not?" (sounds like a challenge)
Expert: "Can't move on the deadline?" (curious, trailing up — then silence)

Calibrated questions (Ch 15)

Poor: "That won't work for me." (a wall)
Better: "Can you do better on the price?" (yes/no, easily refused)
Expert: "How am I supposed to make that work?" · "What's the biggest challenge you're facing here?" · "How would you like this to proceed?" · "What would need to be true for this to work on your end?"

Getting to "that's right" (Ch 14)

Summary: "Let me make sure I've got this. The problem isn't the price itself — it's that you've committed your crews through the quarter, a rush job means pulling them off paying work, and you'd rather not lose us in the process. Is that fair?"
Listen for: "That's right." (real) — not "You're right." (the brush-off)

Saying "no" / holding the line (Ch 16)

Poor: "No." / "That's not going to happen." (cold — ruptures)
Better: "I can't do that."
Expert (I-message + accusation audit): "You're probably going to think I'm not taking your budget seriously — I am, and I want to find something that works. I just can't get there on this number. How do you think we could bridge it?"

No-oriented questions (Ch 18)

Poor: "Do you have a few minutes?" / "Can we agree on this?" (demands a guarded yes)
Expert: "Is now a bad time?" · "Have you given up on finding a solution here?" · "Would it be ridiculous to revisit the timeline?" (a safe "no" that re-engages)

The accusation audit (Ch 16)

Before delivering bad news / a low number: "I'm about to say something that's going to sound like I don't value everything you've put in, and that I'm lowballing you. So hear me out…"

Responding to "that's not fair" (Ch 20)

Poor: "Yes it is." / immediate concession. (escalates or caves)
Expert: "I never want to be unfair to you. Tell me specifically where this feels off, and let's fix it." (calm — calls a vague accusation, honors a real one)

Anchoring to a standard (Ch 20, 25)

Poor: "I want to pay less."
Expert: "Let's base this on what comparable installations in this market actually go for — here's the data." (lets them yield to a fair standard, not to you)

Buying time under pressure (Ch 8)

"I want to give this the thought it deserves. Let me come back to you tomorrow."
"That's an important decision and I don't want to rush it. Can we revisit it in the morning?"

At home — soft startup, not criticism (Ch 33)

Poor (criticism): "You never help around here."
Expert (I-message): "I've been feeling stretched really thin this week, and I need us to figure out the evenings together." (Aim for understanding, never to "win." Never run tactics on people you love.)